My Mother

My mother, Maggie

On this Mother’s Day, I look back at my mother, Maggie, who died April 17, 1995. I think of her every day, and every day I put her practical advice into use. I credit my mother for the woman I am today, strong enough to raise my three lovelies, Tracey, Leah and Sharon, after my marriage was no more, to be the strong, professional women they are today.

My mother was already in her forties when I was born and although I often wondered if I was a surprise, she never once gave me that impression.  She was a practical woman, a kind person and good with money which there was not a lot of but we made do and she handled the household finances.  Along with my father's job, my parents had a field of sugarcane, a few cows, sheep, pigs and poultry.  They sold milk, butchered pigs for sale and we always had fresh poultry and eggs. I cannot remember ever wanting for much as a child. It probably helped that although families were bigger back then, I was the only child in the home after my bother married when I was six.

Every day I put my mother’s wisdom into play and I have always imparted it to my girls, especially when they may be having a rough day.  Here are a few examples of my mother’s advice (and yes, many of them are universal) in no particular order of importance and how I applied them to my life (these would have been said in our local dialect which I would not try to type hereJ:

Never let anyone live rent free in your head

• It is easy to internalized slings and arrows of others; to be hurt by negative comments and behaviour but after a day or two of constantly thinking about it and planning numerous ways of getting back at the person, I have learnt to either let it go or confront the person, trash it out and let it go

Consider the source

• Some people are not worth the effort. As much as we would like to think there are no lost causes, some of us are just destructive and should be avoided as much as possible. If avoidance is not possible, see above

The dog that brings a bone carries a bone

• Do not participate in gossip. Do not share anything with anyone that you do not mind being on the street

No one can take away your education

• Arm yourself so you are not at the mercy of others

Education is not commonsense

• Education is a must (see above) but commonsense will serve you well

Never put a stumbling block in anyone’s way

• Self explanatory. Will come back to bite you in the nether regions

Be careful  of the hole you dig for others that you do not fall in yourself

• Something more of us should think about. Always consequences to our actions

Keep a secret

• Let the person spread it if they wish but not you
• I have a vivid example as a young teen when an older teen told me an extremely personal secret. I told a friend and so on, and so on. It got back to the young lady in question, she complained to my mother and after I was read the riot act my mother advised the young lady she had no business telling me what she had done anyway and to keep such behaviour to herself. A twofer.

Never concern yourself with how people got what they have ’cause you do not know what they did to get it

• Speaks for itself

Do not be poor and show poor

• If you have one shirt, wash and iron at the end of each day and people will think you have many

Always have your own bank account

• Good to have the communal pot but it never hurts to be in control of some personal cash and you will never be at the mercy of anyone whether they are a miser or spendthrift

Share with others

• You may think you do not have much but there will be others who could use a little help. I remember as a child, especially at Christmas and Easter, taking parcels of ham, baked goods a drink or two to old widows who did not have much or who were no longer up to the task of preparing traditional foods at the holidays
• Back in the day, visitors would just drop by unannounced on Sundays, there was always enough food made just in case, hence leftover Mondays

These sentiments are shared by many but the trick is not to just hear what was said but to apply it to everyday lives. I miss my mother and wish she could have been around to see her grandchildren grow up. I did not always see eye-to-eye with her  and there were days, as a teenager, wishing for freedom from rules and a lax mother but I am glad for the one I had. Because of who she was and her practicality, I am the woman I am and I imparted her wisdom to her grandchildren and I am sure it will flow unto her great-grands and so on. She will forever live in our hearts.

Will keep you posted.