My Mother

My mother, Maggie

On this Mother’s Day, I look back at my mother, Maggie, who died April 17, 1995. I think of her every day, and every day I put her practical advice into use. I credit my mother for the woman I am today, strong enough to raise my three lovelies, Tracey, Leah and Sharon, after my marriage was no more, to be the strong, professional women they are today.

My mother was already in her forties when I was born and although I often wondered if I was a surprise, she never once gave me that impression.  She was a practical woman, a kind person and good with money which there was not a lot of but we made do and she handled the household finances.  Along with my father's job, my parents had a field of sugarcane, a few cows, sheep, pigs and poultry.  They sold milk, butchered pigs for sale and we always had fresh poultry and eggs. I cannot remember ever wanting for much as a child. It probably helped that although families were bigger back then, I was the only child in the home after my bother married when I was six.

Every day I put my mother’s wisdom into play and I have always imparted it to my girls, especially when they may be having a rough day.  Here are a few examples of my mother’s advice (and yes, many of them are universal) in no particular order of importance and how I applied them to my life (these would have been said in our local dialect which I would not try to type hereJ:

Never let anyone live rent free in your head

• It is easy to internalized slings and arrows of others; to be hurt by negative comments and behaviour but after a day or two of constantly thinking about it and planning numerous ways of getting back at the person, I have learnt to either let it go or confront the person, trash it out and let it go

Consider the source

• Some people are not worth the effort. As much as we would like to think there are no lost causes, some of us are just destructive and should be avoided as much as possible. If avoidance is not possible, see above

The dog that brings a bone carries a bone

• Do not participate in gossip. Do not share anything with anyone that you do not mind being on the street

No one can take away your education

• Arm yourself so you are not at the mercy of others

Education is not commonsense

• Education is a must (see above) but commonsense will serve you well

Never put a stumbling block in anyone’s way

• Self explanatory. Will come back to bite you in the nether regions

Be careful  of the hole you dig for others that you do not fall in yourself

• Something more of us should think about. Always consequences to our actions

Keep a secret

• Let the person spread it if they wish but not you
• I have a vivid example as a young teen when an older teen told me an extremely personal secret. I told a friend and so on, and so on. It got back to the young lady in question, she complained to my mother and after I was read the riot act my mother advised the young lady she had no business telling me what she had done anyway and to keep such behaviour to herself. A twofer.

Never concern yourself with how people got what they have ’cause you do not know what they did to get it

• Speaks for itself

Do not be poor and show poor

• If you have one shirt, wash and iron at the end of each day and people will think you have many

Always have your own bank account

• Good to have the communal pot but it never hurts to be in control of some personal cash and you will never be at the mercy of anyone whether they are a miser or spendthrift

Share with others

• You may think you do not have much but there will be others who could use a little help. I remember as a child, especially at Christmas and Easter, taking parcels of ham, baked goods a drink or two to old widows who did not have much or who were no longer up to the task of preparing traditional foods at the holidays
• Back in the day, visitors would just drop by unannounced on Sundays, there was always enough food made just in case, hence leftover Mondays

These sentiments are shared by many but the trick is not to just hear what was said but to apply it to everyday lives. I miss my mother and wish she could have been around to see her grandchildren grow up. I did not always see eye-to-eye with her  and there were days, as a teenager, wishing for freedom from rules and a lax mother but I am glad for the one I had. Because of who she was and her practicality, I am the woman I am and I imparted her wisdom to her grandchildren and I am sure it will flow unto her great-grands and so on. She will forever live in our hearts.

Will keep you posted.

Turn the Other Cheek? Hell No!

I am not a violent person; Lord knows I would rather avoid confrontation and failing that use diplomacy and tact to diffuse the situation. However, the feelings of anger, rage, impotence and outright revenge that engulfed me when I started to watch the video of Fullerton, California cops, Manuel Ramos and Jay Cicinelli, beating and tasering the homeless and mentally ill man, Kelly Thomas, overwhelmed me.

I could not watch to completion as tears and sadness weighed me down when  Mr. Thomas started apologizing (for what?) probably thinking this would stop the assault. I totally lost it when he started calling for his father. Yet, those thugs (I will not state here what I really called them), totally devoid of feelings, empathy and compassion, continued their brutal assault on this man, whose crime, it appears, was to be homeless and mentally ill.

Thank goodness for surveillance cameras because without the video, the story may well be the usual one told by rogue cops of the victim being the aggressor.  Thanks also to social media which will ensure a wider audience is aware of another senseless death by cruel men.  One would think after incidents like Rodney King and Robert Dziekanski, cops would temper their behaviour but hell no, seems some of them just can't help themselves.

A man is dead because of the brutality of those who promised to serve and protect; it is to laugh at the irony.  We can only follow this case and hope justice is served but the way I felt after listening to Mr. Thomas’ apologies and cries for his dad, I would willingly repay those cops in kind. Not interested in the death penalty, that would be too good for them. Let them start each day experiencing what Mr. Thomas endured.to just within an inch of their lives. Every night they would be forced to watch the video on a loop playing throughout the night ensuring they would hear Mr. Thomas' cries each time they tossed and turned in their fitful sleep. It’s only fair to have their actions and the beaten face of Mr. Thomas seared into their brains until the day they die. They deserve no less.

Will keep you posted.

What’s a Poor Grammarian to Do?

Contractions

We’ve seen it or have been guilty of it; using “your” when clearly it should be“you’re”, making it obvious some of us have a problem with contractions and the difference between “your” and “you’re".

Just check out the comments on blog posts, Twitter, Facebook and other social media to see "your' running rampant with nary a "you're" in sight.

Once upon a time one could count on some smarty-pants acting as grammar police on a thread, calling out writers who assaulted the language, but not so much anymore. I think they’ve decided their sanity is worth more than correct grammar. Or maybe it was the abuse hurled at them for pointing out grammar shortcomings.

“Looser” instead of “loser” is showing up more these days but that’s another post. Language evolves but please, not like this.

Anyway, here, thanks to @hilzFuld, is a perfect and hilarious example of "your" and "you're". If you don't get it, don't worry; no one will call you a "looser" or is it "loser"?

Language evolves but please, not like this.

Will keep you posted.