Alone But Not Lonely

Here we are on the cusp of May; almost five months into the year and no sign of the nice man I am to meet.  Yup, he is one of my resolutions for this year; meet a nice man for companionship.  Actually, he was one of my goals last year as well. So far, there’s no sign of him. He sure is elusive.

Where are the older men? They can’t all be living like hermits. Are they all in relationships?  Have they tried the dating scene and given up? Have they migrated to younger women? Well, some of them have. I seldom see older men on their own. You can guaranty if there’s an older man pushing a grocery cart or walking around a store, his partner is not far off.

I complain about not meeting anyone, but truth be told, I am not looking that hard. Actually, I am not looking at all. If it happens, so be it. I have walked the married/in a relationship road with less than stellar results. I have found myself putting up with shoddy behaviour and wondered why, since outside my marriage when my girls were little, I was never financially dependent on anyone. It was not like I was fulfilling my dreams of travel with any of them, or dinners, theatre, tours. No, these relationships were basic; dinner, movie, dance and a picnic once a year. Of course, in the beginning there would be gifts and more movies and dinners. Then the comments would start about how much they enjoy just having a home-cooked meal and just hanging out at home. How relaxing it is to just stay in.  How going out on a holiday Monday is difficult because of work on Tuesday which just left Saturday as an OK day. Going out would be reduced further to the bare minimum to tamp down on my complaints of “You don’t take me anywhere.”

Mingy, My Adorable Companion

Marriage is not in my future.  Neither is sharing my home with anyone. I am at a place in my life where having a companion for social activities is all I require. So what type of man would fit the bill? Here is what I wrote on the subject on December 31, 2011:

So if you are independent, unattached, financially responsible, care about your relatives and pets; date women close to your age, love hanging out, movies, theatre, day trips, travel and giving back; if you look fairly decent, take care of yourself, have a live and let live attitude and a sense of humour; if you keep abreast of what’s going on in the world and at least try to keep up with technology; if you are not set in your ways and just waiting for death, maybe we’ll meet sooner than later.

Knowing what I want from a relationship (even one that is yet to materialize) is half the battle. Learning from my mistakes makes it easier to be upfront in a new relationship. I won’t settle for less again even if it means being alone but definitely not lonely especially with Mingy (pictured) to keep me company.

Will keep you posted. 

An Advantageous Pregnancy

An Advantageous Pregnancy

As I was cruising through the usual blogs and social media I tend to peruse on a daily basis, I came across an entry stating that one Bristol Palin of Alaska has a new reality show. That got me thinking about the vagaries of life.

Here is a twenty-one year old woman, who was thrust into the international spotlight as the very pregnant, unmarried, seventeen year old daughter of Republican VP candidate, Sarah Palin. Knowing how her mother’s party is so against teenage pregnancies, it was surprising how all was accepted and forgiven. One couldn’t help thinking if circumstances had been reversed and she had been the daughter of the Democratic candidate, it would have been less than a forgiving acceptance.

When the campaign was over, just like the children of failed candidates, she was expected to return to her previous life. That was not to be as this young woman has been given such high-profile and well-paying opportunities such as being on the show,  Dancing with the Stars to demonstrate her dancing  skills  (or lack thereof), covers of tabloid  magazines, spokesperson for teenage abstinence and now, her own reality show.

There are many teenage mothers who have succeeded against great odds but spare a thought for the teenage mothers who are struggling to finish high school or college, probably holding down a job or two.  Maybe they had to drop out of school and are struggling to make the best of their situation while dealing with society’s disapproval. Their lives are forever changed because they became pregnant. Who is calling them up to have them give speeches on the joys of abstinence because clearly having sex makes one an expert on abstinence, but I digress.

It's obvious that in some quarters, becoming a teenage mother does not so much disrupt life and force a change in direction for the young woman, it is a stepping stone to fame and riches.

A cautionary note to any young girl thinking she may be as fortunate as the young woman in question; think, really think of the life being led by a teenage mother and see if it resembles the lifestyle of this young woman. Then face reality and realize this will only work out for you if your mother was the failed Republican VP candidate from Alaska. I kid you not!

Will keep you posted.

Rethink Pink

I have nothing against pink; it's a beautiful colour with a rich history and most often associated with babies and little girls.

In recent memory, pink became the colour for the fight against breast cancer and was embraced by many because of this worthy cause. Manufacturers jumped onto the pink bandwagon and started slapping the ubiquitous pink ribbon on all types of products.

Some of us were perturbed by what appeared to be an unholy alliance of manufacturers and search for the cure  organizations which looked like a big industry unto itself. Pink was appearing on every item possible; shoes, bags, hats, clothing, jewellery, gardening items, home décor, office supplies, mugs, small kitchen appliances, pet supplies, you name it, it has probably been 'pinked'. The pink ribbon and the colour pink had become marketing tools. I have to admit I steered away from pink products and all products sporting the pink ribbon. I never felt comfortable with any of them.

In light of the Susan G. Komen disastrous decision to defund Planned Parenthood and the 'reversal' a few days later after a huge backlash, in my opinion, it`s time for women to stop encouraging and buying into the 'pinking' of our health. Millions of dollars have been raised and spent and are we any further ahead than we were ten years ago in a search for a cure? Maybe it`s time to shift our focus to prevention as a viable part of cancer research as well.

From the Susan G. Komen fiasco, we can see that an organization headed by women supposedly working for the good of women does not always have the interests of women at the heart of its objectives. It`s a shame breast cancer and women`s health have become politicized but it`s great to see that women, prompted by the Komen decision, found their voice and forced that organization to back down and their V.P. for Public Affairs, Karen Handel, to resign. Even better to see the role social media, like Twitter and Facebook, played in getting women`s voices heard.

We women have the numbers. If we let others have jurisdiction over our healthcare, we will have no one to blame but ourselves. Let`s rethink pink.

Will keep you posted.  

Linda, on What Cancer is and is Not

I came across this video and was struck by the brutal honesty and forthrightness portrayed by Linda.

It takes guts and self-awareness, not possessed by many, to say what Linda says.  She not only speaks about cancer, she explains and shows the results of the various medical treatments required to halt the progress of the illness and the resulting changes to her body.

Explaining what cancer is and does is not all Linda offers; she rails against the politicization of this disease and her severing of her support for the Susan G. Komen charity that recently cut funding to Planned Parenthood. N.B. After an enormous backlash, Susan G. Komen has reversed their decision.

As Linda said, “Cancer makes you frank…it makes you no longer scared.” She comes across as one fearless and fierce lady. Kudos to her.

Will keep you posted.

An Iconic Photograph

My Daughters

There is a photo of me sitting on a bed with my three daughters, Tracey, Leah and Sharon.  Tracey (three) and Leah (one) are on my left and Sharon, a few months old, is on my lap.

It was obviously a happy moment. There I am with a big afro, wearing a top I still remember vividly, Tracey and Leah all smiles, Sharon with her hand in her mouth and my arms around them.

This was one photo in a series of photos, a snapshot among many, but for some reason, the girls have always liked it. Why this one and not another? To my daughters, it has become an iconic photo to the point I was pestered to make poster size prints which I never got around to doing.  Tracey took it a step further and commissioned an artist to put this photo on canvas. I had no idea she was doing this so when it was presented to me, I was pleasantly surprised and could not stop looking at it.

My Daughters

The painting is magnificent and I have to commend the artist Ilene Sova. Details were brought to light that are not readily apparent in the small snapshot; the red barrette in Tracey’s hair, the flowers on Leah’s top, the bangle on her arm and the amount of hair on Sharon’s head.

The painting is in a place of honour in my living room and there it shall remain.  Thank you Tracey for getting this done. Thank you Leah and Sharon.  I could not ask for better daughters.

My Daughters

I look at the painting with new eyes and can see why the girls like it so much. We are all together in a loving embrace and this is how we remain.

Will keep you posted.

Here’s to 2012

Enjoying a Night Out

Here we are, the last day of 2011. It’s had its ups and downs like most years but overall, I'm still here, looking forward to another year.

In 2012, I’ll celebrate a major birthday and believe me, I can’t get over how quickly I've reached this age but I’ll take it over the alternative, then again, who wouldn't?

I expect 2012 to be similar to 2011. My relationships with family and friends will continue as they always have; adding a friend or two would be bonus. The big difference will be me meeting a companion.  It didn’t happen in 2011 so expectations are high for 2012. No pressure on the new yearJ.

He’s out there and I’m positive we’ll meet soon.  I’m clear on what I expect of this man and someone out there is just as clear in his expectations and when our paths cross, we’ll surely recognize each other. 

So if you are independent, unattached, financially responsible, care about your relatives and pets; date women close to your age, love hanging out, movies, theatre, day trips, travel and giving back; if you look fairly decent, take care of yourself, have a live and let live attitude and a sense of humour; if you keep abreast of what’s going on in the world and at least try to keep up with technology; if you are not set in your ways and just waiting for death, maybe we’ll meet sooner than later.

So thank you 2011, it’s been a slice and here’s to 2012. Bring it on. We’ll get on just fine.

Are Manners Passé?

There I was sitting in the car dealership’s nicely appointed waiting room killing time with a crossword,  occasionally glancing up at the TV news, waiting for my winter tires to be installed and oil changed.

Since it was a Wednesday, there were not too many people waiting and quite a number of chairs were vacant.  I was sitting in a chair at the end of a row of three rows forming a “U”. In the centre of this “U” was a huge, round coffee table.

In came a middle-aged woman who sat in the end chair in the row to my left and proceeded to take off her shoes. She then planted her feet on the table. I mentioned her being middle-aged as we tend to ascribe bad behaviour and lack of manners to young people, rightly or wrongly.

She sat there reading a book like she was in her living room and not in a public waiting area of a business. I was surprised but really, I should not be as we have seen people put their feet on seats on trains and in movie theatres, put their bags on the seat next to them depriving another of a seat, spit on the sidewalk, push ahead of others in line, bump in to others without a glance, furthermore an “excuse me”, talk during live performances, speak loudly and about personal business on cell phones, park in no parking areas outside the supermarket forcing traffic into one lane and the list goes on.

To say anything to the offender may risk being told off in the most colourful language and in extreme cases, one`s life. So we just look away and hope someone else would take up the challenge or that we could soon complete whatever mission we are on and depart from the presence of the ill-mannered.

Will keep you posted.