It’s finally raining. Cold drizzles after a week of
summer-like weather that saw shorts, capris, sun dresses and sandals back in
vogue after being put away for warmer togs. Patios were back in business and
people-watching was the thing to do again. My family piled their plates high
and ate Thanksgiving dinner on our patio and sat out, having fun, late into the
night with the help of citronella candles, to annoy the bugs, retrieved from storage.
The patio chair cushions have now been put away along with
the garden art. The last of the habanero peppers have been picked. The bushes
have been trimmed, vines pulled down from the walls and fences, the annuals
have been pulled and will become compost. The urns in the front of the house
are now sporting yellow mums. Spring bulbs have been planted, perennials
divided and replanted in different areas and the grass, fertilized and reseeded.
The
birdbath remains through all seasons and the pond spitter will be unplugged
when the cold weather settles in.
Yellow-tinged Hosta
Yet, I gaze out at my garden and see the beauty of this
wondrous season, autumn. I see the black soil where a few weeks ago plants were
blooming. I see the fence, cleared of this year’s trumpet vine and now ready
for regrowth in the spring. I look at the bare walls were ivy and more vines grew; where tiny birds roosted at night. I look at the plants that come
into their glory at this time of year: the fall asters, the absolutely gorgeous,
will soon be living-up-to-its-name, burning bush, the scraggly mum that is
being crowded out of its space but continues to sprawl across the grass in its
pink glory, yellow tinged hostas and surprisingly, a brave Shasta daisy, all
alone on its bush.
This is my favourite season. I love the change of pace, the
cooler temperatures, the bittersweet feel of the garden. Yes, leaves are
starting to fall, foliage is dying back but underneath the soil, there’s work
in progress for that promise of renewal that never disappoints; the promise of
spring.
I will never understand people`s obsession with the sexual
orientation of others. Why the concern about whose plumbing goes where?
What impels someone to make a concerted effort to preach,
protest, denigrate or even assault another person because that person is
attracted to their own sex? It’s madness. Imagine rising each day with hatred in your heart and a compulsion to tell gays they are going straight to hell for their “lifestyle”. Did you
choose your sexual orientation? Well, neither did they.
It is disturbing to hear Blacks speak offensively about gays and rail against gay marriage. Remember when you were fighting for your civil rights? Was not too long ago and now you think it is right to deny others their rights. Enlighten me as to why a significant
number of this world`s population should not have all the rights and benefits
accorded to others. It seems in most parts of the world, gays are under constant
threat of beatings and even death. In 2009, an article in Time asked if Jamaica is: The Most Homophobic Place on Earth?Law
makers in Uganda tried to enact an anti-gay law that could see the death penalty for some acts. Thankfully, it failed.
Not An Option
You may wish to cite the Bible as proof being gay is wrong. If you go this route, I suggest you read all the laws appearing with the one you like to quote and ask yourself if one of God`s laws is to be obeyed, why not obey them all? I am sure you would not want to be labelled a hypocrite who practises buffet Christianity.
How will allowing gay people to marry destroy traditional marriage? You know, the whiz-bang job being done by straight people with no divorce, no separation, no re-marriage; just a shining example for
gays to follow. I have never figured this one out.
To those in the pulpit, you embarrass yourselves by preaching hate
instead of love, compassion and understanding.
Shaming gay congregants to go against their true self never ends well. Gay adults deserve to be free and not on the down low while in marriages to keep the façade that they are straight. Let people be who they are. To parents who ridicule, abuse and wash their hands of their children,
what do you think will happen to your gay teens
when they hit the streets? These children belong in the safety of their families. Loving them would be so much easier for all.
I have gay relatives and friends and we interact in the same
way as my straight relatives and friends. We are here on this earth for such a short time, it should be better spent understanding and caring about each other than in creating pain. Live
and let live is a nice attitude to cultivate.
Christians, try to be more like the compassionate Jesus of the gospels
and less like the vengeful God of the Old Testament. Remember what Mahatma Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.“
After listening to a call-in radio show on sweet potato
vines and strange things unearthed in the garden, I decided to pay attention to
what I may find in two of my front garden urns whilst removing said vines and
other annuals to plant mums.
I pulled out the vines, found many long roots and decided to
dig deeper. I removed as much soil as I
could and started feeling and digging around the urns with a small garden fork.
Imagine my surprise when I uncovered a regular
size potato and a few smaller ones. In
one urn, I couldn’t get the potatoes out intact as they were growing in the
decorative curvature of the urn so I had to break them up to remove them.
Seeing my fancy front yard urns are great for showing off
the vines but offer no room for tubers, I have already decided to plant sweet potato
vines in my backyard pots where they’ll have plenty of room to get as big as
they want. I am already imaging the yield a year from now. Talk about being optimistic.
You shall reap what you sow and sometimes what you didn’t realize
you sowed.
As I listened to an interview on a radio show about the
effect of certain tracks of music in that person’s life, bittersweet memories
flooded over me on how I was affected by a piece of music.
When my marriage started falling apart, my three daughters
were still very young. Only the eldest had started school so my days were very
busy taking care of them, cooking, baking, doing laundry, cleaning and running out
for groceries.
At night, however, it was a different story. After putting
the girls to bed, I had loads of time to think about my dying marriage. I would
sit on the couch eating ice-cream and dwell on the behaviour of my straying
husband. I would wonder what was wrong with me that he would want to be out pursuing
other women instead of building a strong bond with his wife and little girls. I
pondered what I could do differently to change things. I would sit there
feeling sad, dejected and defeated wondering what was to become of my children
and me.
During this bleak period, I heard Gloria Gaynor’s song, I will Survive. I was so inspired by those
lyrics that I bought the album. I would sing along and dance around the apartment.
So after feeling for a long time like something the dog rolled in, bit by bit I
started to feel good about myself and to think clearly about my future, a
future that did not include my husband. I started planning my exit. He decided
we should move from the apartment to a townhouse where I stayed for nine months
before finally moving into a townhouse in a new area with my girls.
I realized now I had to go through that dark, self-pitying
period in order to understand I had the inner strength to rise above what I had
no control over, i.e. my husband’s behaviour, and look for solutions to move
forward with my life.
It’s been many years. My girls are now adults pursuing
professional careers. They were raised with lots of love and I couldn’t be more
proud of them. Sure there were rough patches but in the end, the four of us
survived and I like to think Gloria Gaynor, belting out I Will Survive, inspired me to take control of my life.
Help! I am popping these green-end banana candies like they`re
going out of style. What is it about them that makes me go against my better
judgement and eat so many?I can`t seem to help
myself.
Banana Candy
Okay, I can bypass them when I go to the store and I`ve
tried. I don`t know if you`ve ever eaten
this candy but they are sooo good. They`re not too sweet, have the right dusting
of sugar, the colours are a nice light yellow with one green end, the texture
is soft and chewy and the taste, divine. No icky aftertaste, no gaudy colours,
not too sweet and no residue getting stuck in my teeth.
Early morning walks to stay fit and healthy and eating this candy with abandon are definitely not compatible so I`ll try to control my candy addiction.
First thing after eating this last batch, I promise, not to go cold turkey, but to buy fewer
and keep them out of sight (having them in a jar on the bar is not helpful). I'm not banishing
them from my life, just being sensible. Everything in moderation.
Some love candy corn, others love jelly beans but I LOVE banana
candies.
The older I get the faster time goes by or so it seems. Here
we are in September. The better part of the year is behind us and in no time
it’ll be Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas and another new year will be upon
us.
As a child, Christmas and any exciting event I looked
forward to appeared to take forever to come around. I remember how long it took
for the school year to end and the long vacation to start. Oh how I lamented that
whatever I was waiting on was taking just too long. If only I were not in such a hurry to move
time along but that’s the child’s way, anxious for time to fly.
Thinking about time flying is a good time to take a look at my
goals for the year, see what’s on track and what needs to be readjusted or
carried into the new year.
Morning
Walks– Still part of my routine but done infrequently
during the summer months when it becomes hot very early in the mornings. I`m back
on track now that cooler mornings are here.
Volunteer– Did this for a few months at a food bank. There
was a change of management, I followed-up but did not hear from them. Looking into volunteering with teen mothers.
Once a
Month Family Dinner– Started off great but missed a few months.
We have decided to consider picnics we attended on a Sunday in July and August
as family dinners just not in my home. Works for me. Looking forward to getting together in the
following months.
Learn
Father’s Family History– Thought this would be an easy task working
with my Aunt Millie, my father’s sister. Sent off a list of questions with a
SASE to make it easy for her but she called to say she cannot remember details
like before. I didn’t want her to be stressed about it so asked her to
disregard the request. She gave me the name of the plantation from our past so
I hope to use this information to help with research in the archives.
Maintain my
Home– Easiest goal to keep going since I like a neat
home. Closets do get out of whack only because there’s too much in them. I`m also maintaining my garden. Just need to spend more time sitting and
enjoying it.
Socialize
with Girlfriends– Apart from spending more time with my
neighbour such as going to the farmers’ market every Friday morning, I’ve not
seen much of my other girlfriends this year. Something we lamented. Just couldn’t
seem to get everyone together to go to ribfest
or other events. We definitely
have to work on this.
Meet a Nice
Man for Companionship– Although someone from my past is visiting
and I like his company, this is not the relationship I expect to have so I
continue to keep my options open as well as my eyesJ
Say Yes
More Often – The best kept goal so far. I went to a picnic I hadn’t
attended in 20 years and had a lot of fun. As well as a similar but smaller one
and also had a good time. Attended the CNE after approximately 25 years and
went on rides although not crazy ones. Went to the lake, walked by the river,
and attended a few events at a cultural centre 45 minutes away. Tons more fun
saying yes.
Travel at
Least Twice– For business and pleasure – Travelled once for
pleasure but expect the business portion to be accomplished next year.
Grow My
Business– There were a few setbacks that had to be overcome.
Complete changes were made and I can say although I was mad about what
transpired at the beginning, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as the
technology is current and I am very happy with the results. Had a successful
party and launch and looking forward to great things.
Watching the video clip from the Dark Girls documentary truly hurts to my inner core. It hurts because as a people, we seem to be devolving while other races are evolving.What the hell is wrong with us? How can we perpetuate this nonsense into the 21st century? Back in the ‘60s we shouted: “Black is Beautiful”, but obviously that was just a slogan. It looks like we didn’t buy into the reality of it all.
I look at these women in the clip, some of them in middle age, and the hurt remains with them.When we should be supporting and encouraging each other we find ways to hurt. Are we brainless? We excuse this behavior by saying it’s a remnant of slavery when progeny of the slave master and slave were deemed better and ranked higher than the 100% black slaves. Hence the deferential treatment back in the day. For God’s sake, we have moved beyond this period in time. We have had time to evaluate what we hold dear and what defines us as African descendants.
How dare a mother describe all the features she likes about her little daughter but then lash her with the comment, “if only she any lightness in her skin, she’d be gorgeous.” Where is the pride of race? How could you even form a thought like this furthermore give it voice, making your daughter feel like she is somehow inadequate because of the colour of her skin? What negative racial stereotypes are being reinforced in our children so when a black child is shown a series of images from light to dark and is asked to point out the ugly child and the bad child, she picked the picture of the darkest image?This is disturbing.
How much longer will we do this? To the lighter hued man who said he does not like dark skin girls: If you take a trip back in time, do you think you could like your Black fore-parents who toiled on the plantations? Or would you be embarrassed by them and embrace the master who enslaved them? Here’s a little secret, when we denigrate each other, not only do we give comfort to those who dislike us, we look like damn jackasses. We also make it known that to us, all other races are better than we are and we, to be better, need a splash of cream in the coffee to be as good as other races.
Instead of pulling each other down and seeing ugliness in our skin colour and natural hair, we need to do some serious introspection and grow to hell up. Our behavior is so infantile it is embarrassing. I acknowledge skin tone issues transcend cultures. There are cultures that won’t be caught dead in the sun without an umbrella because sun-kissed skin would render them too dark.Others opt to have eyelid surgery to appear Caucasian and some Caucasians use enhancers to plump lips and other body parts. Yes, skin tone and body image are issues across races however, we seem to take the obsession and self-loathing to new heights. Until we look deeply within ourselves to understand why we dislike what we see reflected back in the mirror, we will continue along this path of self-loathing and destruction.
Don’t tell me we are still suffering for the affects of slavery. Slavery happened; don’t ever forget it did but it’s time to kick this damn crutch out from under us, stand straight and face reality. It’s time to start seeing the beauty of Black people and loving, encouraging and supporting each other.If we choose to remain in this negative mode, we have to look no further for the negative results than in the video clip.
I love my people but I am much aggravated by our negative behaviours. I must believe that at some point, to avoid further descent into irrelevance, we will believe we can no longer have negative history dictate how we see ourselves. Black is Beautiful.
Credits: Directed by Bill Duke and D. Channsin Berry
Produced by Bill Duke for Duke Media
and D. Channsin Berry for Urban Winter Entertainment
Co-Produced by Bradinn French
Line Produced by Cheryl L. Bedford
Edited by Bradinn French
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